Maybe I’ve just gotten spoiled with my amazon.com purchases in the last 7 years or so, but I must say that I find our local chain bookstore to be a better source of hot beverages than the printed word. ”Why the rant?”, you may ask. I ventured forth this afternoon hoping that I might locate a single copy of Pat Conroy’s newest paperback ”My Losing Season”. I bought a healthy half-dozen or so of the hardbacks last year, including a personally signed copy; Envy me.
Perhaps a poll is in order? How should your local Books-A-Few shop be arranged? My preference is definitely for a LC (Library of Congress) system, but I’m sure that drops me squarely in the role elitist scum, bound for a tour of the round hole of waste disposal formed in the mind of the ”Mini Truckin’ Magazine” inbred mafioso. Award yourself 2 bonus points if you thought of Clerks instead of instead of the never-ending question of what bikinis have to do with transportation.
Please choose your own adventure. When I queried the salesdroid, he
- Scratched his beard.
- Scratched something else.
- Performed a database search.
- Called for help, then pointed me toward the coffee.
If you answered ”3” you are correct; however due to a lack of typing and reading skill, this search took slightly more than 5 minutes during which time I exchanged awkward stares with the girl stocking the shelves with plush animals. Finally, he pointed me to the biography section; approximately 37 linear feet of everything you could want to know about our 35th President. As I stared blankly into his red beard, I tepidly asked the necessary question to which I knew he had no acceptable answer.
Alvin: Do you have any idea where in that 37 linear feet the book might reside?
Salesdroid: I really don’t know. Just because the computer says we carry the book doesn’t mean that we have it. We just can’t track it that way, you know?
Alvin: (I give him a blank stare, then pretend to wish for death)
I waste 2 minutes of my day looking for the autobiographical recollection of a southern author on his experience with 1) The Citadel. 2) Basketball. 3) Loss. Where, oh where might this be located in 37 linear feet organized by subject? Perhaps under ”Conroy”? No, that would be logical, therefore it is outlawed at Books-A-Few
My answer? Order it from Amazon, it will be here on monday.
Posted by Alvin P. Phillips |